let’s self assess
I fear one of the easiest things to do in life is spend our time and focus on outward issues and people so much that we decline to turn that focus inward. Especially as wives and moms, we have a steady pull by others to attend to their needs, answer their questions… it’s not a bad thing, of course- we are wives and moms, after all, and our husbands and kids need us in those roles- but it can be easy to spend our time focused so much on others that eventually we realize we helped everyone else grow but neglected to invest in our own selves.
For those of us that DO take the opportunity to slow down and self-assess, how often does that attempt turn ugly? What should be a simple fact-finding mission bathed in honesty and truth becomes a self-destructing and self-loathing ritual where, instead of simply assessing, we attack the self for being too out of shape, too lazy, doing too much, not doing enough…
Imagine that you can look at your own child and assess their need to be more disciplined, but not attack them for failing to meet the standard and still love them unconditionally, yet you can’t extend that type of assessment to your self. Assessing isn’t assigning guilt or shame. Assessing isn’t saying good or bad. Assessing isn’t determined value or worth. It’s simply taking stock.
Assess. Where am I? What am I doing well? What can I improve? Where do I want to be? Where did I think I would be? Can you see how these questions could spiral out of control and land you in a deep pit of anxiety? Sure they could. As someone who, perhaps like you, isn’t where they’d like to be, I could quite easily start answering these questions with tears brimming on my eyelids and the word “failure” echoing in the back of my mind. Maybe it is easier to just focus on everyone else and let ourselves off the hook, but I fear one day we may come face to face with ourselves and wonder why we never took the time to grow, to learn, to strengthen our resolve intentionally.
Yes, life will force you to do all of these things at some point in time, but wouldn’t it be nice to do it on your own terms? When you have the rest? When you aren’t facing some other existential crisis? You can actually choose a time that’s good for YOU to grow. Life doesn’t give a single care about your state of mind when it throws a curve ball your way. As a matter of fact, curve balls are meant to catch you wildly off-guard, so why not take that time in the dugout to sit back and have a convo with yourself? It’s a judgement-free zone. Just you and yourself. The good, the bad and the ugly, but nobody is pointing fingers. This isn’t even about a next step yet. It’s not about lodging complaints. It’s not about should’ve, could’ve or would’ve. It’s about assessment.
Can you take a moment to see who you are and where you are, right now in life? Is that where you’d hoped to be? Are you who you thought you’d be? Are you better or worse for the wear? Remember- no guilt. No shame. Just answers. You’re seated in a clean room, coffee in hand, sitting across a table from you, taking a look… at you. You’re not in trouble. You’re not getting rated. You’re just getting acquainted with the right-now you, and what you decide to do with the data you gather during this assessment is for another time. First, we must get through this part.
Gather the data. Determine the facts. When you can do this for yourself, you’ll be able to spot the strengths and weaknesses that may have gone unnoticed. Yes, you are aware of the backstory and the reasons, but we’re not making excuses nor are we here to give an account. We are just here to see what’s in front of us. Maybe you’re strength is encouraging others and you know good and well that you do it because no one ever encouraged you, and perhaps we can visit that one day for the healing you require, but for now- let’s just acknowledge we have a strength. Maybe your weakness is that you don’t try new things because you’re afraid of failure due to having watched people you love try and fail and try and fail, but we’re not here to unpack the trauma. We’re here to say- right now, I’m afraid of failure. Period. That’s it. That’s the assessment. They why’s and how’s and all that aren’t part of this process.
It will require some grace, but you desperately need the data if you are going to be able to grow and move forward. It’s hard to separate assessment with all of the emotions, but honey- it’s necessary. Data will show you what to do next, but data doesn’t have feelings. It’s just there. So do yourself- and everyone connected to you- a favor. Take a moment (or a day, or a week, or a combination of those) to really assess where you are right now. We’ll deal with the past and the future another time, but the first step is to assess the present.
You don’t have to start from scratch, I’ve created a free PDF for you to download and use as a starting place to get insight into YOU. Grab it from the store and get to work. ;)